Many churches today are wrestling with why young people continue to exit the church doors once they become young adult. This is not necessarily a God problem, but a church problem. There are many young people who have left the church who still have a fear of God and who love God. They have decided that what the church had to offer them did not coincide with what the Bible teaches about how Christ followers are supposed to behave. It is also a parental problem. Parents think that they can just drop their child in Sunday School, or youth church and they will grow up to be godly obedient children while their home life reflects nothing of what they have been learned studying the Bible.

Young people are not stupid and it is time for adults in the home and in the church to realize that when their adult children leave the church it is a reflection on their experience with the church or the people within the church. It’s astounding to me that church leaders think that they can behave badly, especially when that church leader has children watching them at home. The church can be a very toxic and unloving place. This is because the church is filled with sinful people. Parents also create a problem for their children when they do nothing to cultivate their own child’s heart and love for God. It is the person that is in charge of raising the child that is responsible for training the child in the way he or she should go. When a child is bullied, outcased, shunned, ignored or just planned overlook in a church setting, why would they want to stay. Most young people who have decided to leave the church have had a bad experience with an adult in that church setting.

Young people have had so many encounters with adults who say, “do as I say and not as I do”, and that mentality never works. Adults want young adults to forget the bad behavior that they have seen, forget that they have not been given any opportunity to show that they have purpose, forget what they see at home, and then expect them to be excited to take their place in this same toxic setting. There are so many churches where church leadership is just a title to show off ones authority. What will keep our young people in church is loving acceptance, discipleship, healthy leadership and community. Romans 3:23 teaches that we all sin and fall short of God’s glory. There is none who does good, no not one. But there should be a desire, to live as close to Biblical godliness and sanctification as we can as humans. When you people grow up in this type of environment where they have been nurtured both in the church setting and at home with godly love, they will desire to stay.

Community and discipleship are key necessities for the Christian life for all populations. God has told us from the beginning that man was not created to be along. We need the community that comes from Christian fellowship. Several churches have attempted to create community, but the community is segregated. Young people need to feel like they are a part of a family that needs them. They must know that they are missed when they are not around, and that there is a purpose that God has placed them in the church setting to fill. They need to see examples of consistent faith in the life of those who lead them. Parents can not expect a child to grow up loving God and other, when the love of God and others is absent in their own spiritual lives. Spiritual grow does not just fall upon us, we must apply the Biblical commandments God has given us actively and consistently. Children are very forgiving and gracious. My husband and I have worked in children, youth and young adult ministry for over 25 years. We have raised seven children. They too do not see any benefit of going to church as they have seen drama in the church and in our home as they grew up. But they also saw us practice our faith consistently. They saw how we treated others, even when were not treating each other as we should.

They saw also that church life was very important to us, we did not make excuses on Sunday morning why staying home was more important, we never put them in any activty that took away from our family time in church, they saw us serve diligently. They saw us praying daily. So although we faltered, we asked forgiveness when we fell short. We were not afraid to humble ourselves and accept that we were wrong. However, in the church they saw prejudice, racism, gossip, unfairness and other hateful attitudes. We can not tell young people that they must love God, but not reflect that we love God within the church. When church leaders and parents within the church begin to live as God instructs us in His Word and love others as God has commanded, young people will stay and will know that they are loved and they have a place and purpose within their church communities.